Monday, October 26, 2009

The woman who waits...

I have become a woman who waits. Waits for a phone call, an email, any sign that he is okay.

I have become a woman who goes about her day, but isn't all there. Who forgets that she's grocery shopping for one instead of two, who is still surprised to find the house empty when she arrives.

I have become a woman who cries over boxes mailed, pictures hung, handwritten notes found among the bills.

You can prepare... you can keep busy... you can even pretend that everything is fine. But when you find him missing from the place that he should be, you fall apart.

This is so hard.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

I have put my blog at the bottom of my priority list recently, having been busy with work, life, puppies, etc. But with my husband preparing for deployment, I am reminded that if I don't take care of myself, I can't take care of my family.

My family is unconventional. It consists of my husband, myself, my two pups, my family in Canada, and my friends on different continents of the world. My resolution for these coming months is to take better care of myself so I will always be available to the ones I love.

I've been working so much lately that I've let a lot of things slide. Dentist appointments, trips to the gym or runs in the evenings, birthday presents, eating well... Sometimes, it take something monopolizing your time for you to realize that it is the simplest things you love most.

I love to cook. I love walking through the dusty stalls of farmers markets and coming up with ideas for dinner. When I get busy with work, this is the first thing to go and one of the things I miss the most.

I love to read and learn new things. I love textbooks as much as literature and almost always have at least two books on the go, often three or four.

I love to walk my pups. The pug is not a long distance walker (he's more of an endurance sleeper), but our newest pup definitely is, so I now have a partner for long walks or short runs while C. is away.

I love airports and road trips and new countries and regional food.

I love to write.

The things that I want and need are fairly simple and easy to take for granted when you have the time to do them. A little time... to learn, to read, to write, to travel. And of course, someone to share the driving on those long trips.

Monday, September 21, 2009

The two cutest pups I know...


Sunday, August 09, 2009

"The fishermen know that the sea is dangerous and the storm terrible, but they have never found those dangers sufficient reason for remaining ashore."

–Vincent van Gogh (1853–1890)
Dutch painter

Monday, July 20, 2009

"Be patient toward all that is unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything."

-Rainer Maria Rilke, "Letter to a Young Poet"

Friday, July 10, 2009

It is not as sad as it may seem
to be this girl in faded jeans
in love with lands she's never seen
For she may yet come to love
the woman she has always been

Sunday, May 31, 2009

She is secretly proud of the grey strands that have begun to appear at her crown. Though occasionally she dyes them on a whim, she knows they remain sharp threads of silver beneath the surface. Time and history lie in each strand, as with the faint lines that are beginning to etch themselves into her skin, confessing years of laughter and times of sorrow to the world.

They reminded her that she has lived. She lays claim to them, like the rings of the tree that explain its history.

"I have lived and been broken and made whole, again and again. I am stronger than I am weak. There is so much left to do."

Monday, May 18, 2009

For Cath...

I have currently been on a reading frenzy, but after a series of very serious books back to back, I have been reading a lighter one called "Five Things I Can't Live Without".

Although the book is goofy, the title has me thinking about my five things. The problem is that they would change constantly... but for tonight, here is my list:

1) Hot tea
2) Books
3) The warm sun on my shoulders
4) Flip flops
5) The opportunity to travel

What are your 5 things?

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

"this path, this road that one perfect straight line even if it goes around the world through heat and fog and rain and snow and it's my life I keep thinking. It's my life."
-Deborah Keenan, "Small History"

"Maybe happiness is this: not feeling like you should be elsewhere, doing something else, being someone else..."
-Eric Weiner, "The Geography of Bliss"

"-the air so dry and clean, so settling, she was afraid to imagine a world without such untouched lovely places. She didn't know how she would live."
-Lizabeth Carpenter, "Small Life"

"When I close my eyes, the floor of my dream collapses. I fall through. Everything skews. I land, wholly awake, in an old, known place, but I am totally new."
-Joan Connor, "Broken Vows"

I love my hometown. I love that people are constantly optimistic that warm weather is just around the corner, even when it's -40. I love how doors are held open, strangers smile and say hello as you pass, jokes are made to lighten the tension in a crowded elevator. I love that the newspaper is read and discussed rather than reality television being the source of information. I love that pedestrians are EVERYWHERE and it's okay to walk to pick up groceries.

It's hard to describe all the subtle things I have fallen in love with since leaving Canada. These frequent visits up remind me that there are still places where neighborhoods are designed around parks and green spaces. Where sidewalks are built and maintained to encourage people to walk. Where a nations people still believe in taking care of all those among them. And where education and lifelong healthcare are rights, not privileges.

It is sometimes disheartening to return to the U.S. after my visits here. It is hard to hear of people going bankrupt from hospital bills and see money spent on advertisements for hospitals and clinics rather than on patients. But now, more than ever, I view the U.S. as a nation in progress. For the first time in many years, there is a president whose frame of reference includes all Americans, not just the rich and privileged. It is an interesting time to be a citizen of Canada and a resident of the U.S.

I guess we'll see what the next few years hold.

Monday, March 02, 2009

Random things...

I love this, it's from this weeks Postsecret


Congrats Winnipeg!!!

Upon request, here are the things I knocked off my list these past two weeks:

#8 Risk Failure
The hubby and I put a bid on a house this week. Looks like we will most likely lose it to the local university, since we can’t possibly compete with them on price, but we both agreed we’d rather go down trying then to always wonder because we didn’t try at all.

#9 Do one thing a month that scares me…
See above… lol

#20 Sit somewhere with a great view, a great friend and a damn decent bottle of wine…
Did this on Valentine’s day and will do tomorrow for lunch (minus the view and the wine most likely… lol)

#38 Drink more water.
I’m practically a fish now!!

What keeps us from questioning that which we don't understand?

I am confused.

It's true, this is not the first time. In fact, it happens quite often, but usually, I can ask a few people, do a little research and come away with an answer that helps me better understand. Sometimes, however, you come across something that defies all logic.

This is one of those times.

Although I have heard many comments about how I come from a socialist country and how "those poor Canadians pay such ridiculously high taxes", I have mostly taken this as a sign of ignorance. But since Obama has been elected (which restored my faith in the U.S.), I have heard these opinions not just from people around town, but now in the newspapers and other media.

Today, I read a newspaper article where the writer (who unfortunately for me, shares my first name) compared Obama to the Wizard in the Wizard of Oz (which in and of itself is not a kind comparison) and said that she was not going to wait for him to make the U.S. a socialist country.

What?!?!

I read it twice thinking that I must have missed the joke that was surely pointing fun at those who might actually believe this ridiculous notion. Nope. No joke. Just one person's opinion which represents the tip of the iceberg, unfortunately.

So, my fellow Canadians (and Australians) who follow this blog... let's open up the discussion. With all evidence to the contrary (including the facts that, on average, Canadians live longer, are healthier, are more highly educated, more well-read, and all things considered, pay taxes on par with their American counterparts), why is it that there is such fear in the U.S. of more government involvement in healthcare and education?

When I first arrived here, I too believed some of the hype. I was sure that Canadians must pay much higher taxes then Americans, since we receive subsidized university education and national healthcare. However, after seeing both my husband's and my own pay cheques, I can no longer say this is true. (Actually, I believe my reaction was "Woah!! Then where is it going?!")

My second stereotype, that of America having a terrific school system, was shot down after learning that Americans pay more per student for grade school education then any and yet test scores upon graduating high school fall well below the norm.

So... why do these stereotypes and fears persist and who benefits from them persisting?

My little brother and his wife had a healthy baby boy this weekend. I am officially an aunt. In addition to having a gorgeous little one to take care of, they will receive many presents, lots of attention, and a little tax money from the Canadian government. What they will not receive is a bill for the many months of prenatal care, the hospital stay, or the follow-up visits from their midwife and to their doctor. Our 'socialist' government, and the people such government is responsible to, believe that this is one of their most basic rights and the responsibility of all Canadians. We pay into the pot, we elect the government who oversees it, and as needed, we draw on it. Surely, there must be some who take advantage, but it is the will of the people to by and large take care of those who are in need. There is a definitely understanding that each healthy, educated Canadian helps to make the collective nation stronger.

So how is it that patriotism, something that the U.S. is world-renowned for, competes with collective strength? Incredibly high numbers of Americans do not graduate high school, and with further education being so costly, those in the lower classes find it ever harder to break into the middle class.

How can anyone believe that Obama's government spending and reallocation will push the U.S. into a socialist structure, when surely they must have to come to terms with the fact that Bush's spending almost (and it remains to see if it already has) destroyed this country's economy. Am I to believe, as the earlier mentioned newspaper reporter obviously does, that unregulated spending by a government is simply a part of democracy, but having the people request that the new leadership take steps to get the country back on track, is socialism? And how is it possible for anyone in this day and age to deny that the Bush legacy will affect the world's economy for years to come?

Obama is not the Wizard of Oz. He is, however, the unfortunate one who had to pull back the cloth for the world to see that there was not a great and all knowing one after all. There is no Wizard. Instead, there are 306 million people who are being asked, for the first time in a long time, to take part in their government and the rebuilding of their nation.

Electing Obama was not the end of this crisis. It was the beginning of a dialogue. It is an example of democracy and an education of what that word actually means.

306 million people help to decide what happens from here on in. But certainly, for whatever disputes and discussion the future decisions will raise, everyone now has the ability to be involved.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

"All things change when we do …" -Kukei, The Zen Poems

"I doubt sometimes whether a quiet and unagitated life would have suited me - yet I sometimes long for it." -Byron