Cycles...

Today was the first frost in our neck of the woods, and it was an excellent reminder that winter is indeed on its way.

It's easy to forget, with the falling of the leaves and approaching stasis of winter, that the trees are, in fact, preparing for renewal. Taking off their worn clothes and preparing for bright, new garments.

I think that everyone's lives follow certain cycles. Times when we are productive, and others, when we find it difficult to move forward. Moments when we are filled with happiness and those when we fall into the depths of sadness. There are times when we are helpful to others, and those when we turn our back on those we promised to love, or even ourselves. But no matter the part of the cycle we find ourselves in, we will not remain there forever. Change happens whether we wish for it or pray against it, and we are always capable of finding our way back.

I am still learning how to live the uneven cycles of my life. My best friend and love comes and goes and I have to learn to move forward both in step with him and on my own. It's a strange idea, because I always thought myself so independent, but making so much room for someone in your heart and then closing off that space when they leave so that you don't bleed out is far harder than I had imagined, and much more difficult than being on my own ever was.

When he is here, there are moments when I find myself unable to forget that there will come a time when we will be apart again. I realize that many moments are even sweeter because of the time apart, the inability to take one another for granted both a blessing and a curse, but it can be exhausting, the rise and fall of togetherness. It is a little like surfing, except that you never get to come in from the water. The thrill eventually giving way to the knowledge that you could be swept out to sea if you lose your balance on the board.

This year, the world and I have been on different cycles. It thawed and renewed as I was preparing for the hibernation of his deployment. It began to close up and freeze over as I am beginning to sense the thaw. And in a years time, (or just a few months), we will will do it all over again.

But Spring is always guaranteed, even it takes its time in finding us.